Obstacles are a Known Commodity

My husband said that I should keep a journal about my journey as a Ph.D student because I have had to struggle so much in just getting passionate about something worth getting a doctoral degree.

You know it is really sad when you have to think about the possibility of career suicide when you think about a topic. But that has been a dilemma for me. I already work in my field and the idea that I would say something that might anger my future employer is really not of interest to me because I still have to feed my family. So sad that you cannot express what should occur to right the wrong all because the consequences hurt those you love the most.

As I thought and struggled about what to do, all I can think was, what a crisis. I got a letter from my department chair who said that I had reached my 7 year mark and that I would need to justify why I should stay in the department. Ultimately that meant that I had to come up with a subject for my dissertation, get my Committee Chair to buy off on the idea, generate a timeline and then I am at the mercy of the people who were supposed to teach me something of worth. I think they tried, but I was still unpacking the nuances of my own life as it related to this degree that I am currently pursuing. This journey led reflections of the sacrifices and challenges me and my family had to make just to get me this far.

My mind reflected on how just this past week I was worried about how I was going to register for my 3-credit class because I had a block on my account because of a prior bill. When I tried to find out about the bill, I just kept getting the run round about how the university did not do their part so the legal aspect of this mess was that I ultimately was at the mercy of the university. Here I am trying to just graduate and figure out how to pay for this semester, when the dire humor actually hinged on just having the ability to register. This was just par for the course This single incident has been a constant throughout my entire career...worrying about survival while in pursuit of a lofty goal has been an added pressure.

I guess if I am willing to take a stance on anything it would be that my beliefs about how God had His hand in my life has given me the added assurance that if I endure to the end, I will see the blessings that are in store for me and for that I am grateful. It doesn't matter how hard things get, what matters is how well I handle the tough things in life and arrive home with the gold.

The fight is not over yet.