Will the pain ever go away

Here we go again. Another day in back-pain hell. This tossing and turning has just got to stop. The excruciating pain is unbelievable and yet I still do nothing about it. For every toss and turn in bed, I am rewarded with a burst of shocking waves that just shoots through both of my legs. Living with this has caused me sleepless nights. So why don't I take care of this problem..... I guess the memory of more surgery is just too much.

You see, I blame the start of my back pain to the time when I was given an epidural in my back to block the pain that I knew I would experience in giving birth to my third son. But the epidural magic never kicked in...instead I felt every bit of the pain of birth. But worse, the doctor kept trying to get the needle in my back and was poking around in all the wrong places. It was probably a good thing that I couldn't see what he was doing, but my poor sweet husband was visibly turning white. That in and of itself was shocking because he is a brown man. I remember him saying, "Honey, don't move, just be still, okay." Later, he described this bloody mess to me and said there was plenty of blood to make any man sick.

Since then, I had never been the same. Like clockwork, when I walked, bent, knelt, laid, danced, worked, held my children, I would feel this shift in my back every week. And then it came. This nightmare that would never go away, and yes I was wide awake. This pure stroke of electricity ripping across my lower back and down through both of my legs. This excruciating shock was strong enough to drop me to the floor and left me sobbing. My children never really knew that it was unusual for me to raise them from my in bed, on crutches, or on a hard chair. Today, it is a dull memory of 11 years of despair after my back surgery. Life is so much better. But recovery is a real.... well you know what I mean.

But I really should go see a doctor, but who has time. I really have no time.